God is most careful with you…

God is most careful with you…

I can’t stand it.

Years wasted… bemoaning… I wasn’t enough.  I wasn’t adored.  I could never measure up to what was expected. 

You can’t talk me out of it… I won’t succumb to the lie, “You must work harder to please Him.”

I want what He wants.

I want what He came and died for… a new mind.  A new way of thinking, living, and believing.

Call me what you will.  Call it a fantasy… wishful thinking… a fairytale.

Okay.

You can’t sell me what you’re pitching, because… I know me.

I cannot magically manifest the love, peace, joy, or any of the other things that flow from me since I heard the REAL GOOD NEWS. Believe me, I tried.

This Monday morning, my oldest son will be sworn in to United States Marine Bootcamp.  I will watch as he boards a bus, headed to the airport, on the other side of the country, for three months.  And I cannot scheme the level of joy I have in knowing, this boy, this man-baby, walks in the favor of the Lord.

He may walk through the valley of the shadow of death… but he will do so with a Jesus that “is most careful with him.”

He is most careful with him.

He is most careful with me.

He is most careful with you.

I needn’t fake it until I make it… I needn’t mask my concerns or worries. My grief, the dread I feel knowing the depth of our son’s absence is not a lack of faith. I used to believe sadness marked me as shallow and less than; that JOY was the gift of laughter and sanctimonious peace. I was burdened by guilt when I didn’t feel this way… believing I must try harder.

No.

Grief is a legitimate emotion, the product of loss and a ceremony worthy of a beloved relationship that is changing, ending, or moving onto an eternity.

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Grief is a gift – a product of love. The blessing now, is falling into the arms of a loving and flawless Father whose love, perfected, casts out all fears.

I will cry.

I will miss him.

I will pray, grieve, and eagerly await that first letter.

But I will not doubt my Creator.  And my peace and joy come from knowing… He is most careful with me.

May your floors be sticky and your man-babies be safe and well. Love, Jami

“So be content with who you are, and don’t put on airs. God’s strong hand is on you; He’ll promote you at the right time. Live carefree before God; He is most careful with you.”  1 Peter 5:7 (Msg.)

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